TNWSY came out a bit after L turned one. I wrote it before I even considered having a baby, and now, here they both are in the world. Two things i’m incredibly proud of, but in different ways of course. In the process of both of them growing and developing, I’ve had time to see how similar the two kind of are, in all the good and bad.

They’re both yours to protect and guard ( though one is far more public–I’m a bit private about L). They’re both yours to scrutinize and worry about. They’re both yours to love. Obviously I know one is a living breathing child that I’ll unconditionally adore forever, and the other a pile of paper–so similarities to diverge, but still. They’re both mine.

The thing is, it’s easy to compare, too. In a world that shows off everything online, it’s easy to wonder…

Should L be talking more? Should she be walking more? Is it normal that she throws food on the floor and cries? Look at those babies, they seem a bit more sociable–should she have more baby friends?

Should my book be selling better? Should it be in more stores? Is it normal that reviews start dying out? Look at those authors, they’re at more events–should I be traveling more?

It’s easy to get distracted and discouraged. It’s easy to think you’re not doing enough, and that you’re failing in one way or another. I’ve kept myself up at night quite a bit worrying about it all.

But here’s the thing–

L jumped in her first puddle the other night, and her face lit up like the puddle was the most fantastic thing in the world.

I received an email from a stranger thanking me for writing my book and I felt like a celebrity.

It’s all amazing.

So when I start thinking about the down sides–worrying i’m not doing enough, I’m going to think of those things. Because i’m doing what I can. L is a super happy little girl who’s perfect and wonderful in my eyes. My book is doing what a book should do–it’s being read.

Because puddle jumping and emails are enough.

They really, truly are.

When I try to open up to you, I get completely lost
Houses swallowed by the earth, windows thick with frost
And I reach deep down within but the pathways twist and turn
And there’s no light anymore and nothing left to burn

I am this great, unstable mass of blood and foam
And no emotion that’s worth having could call my heart its home
My heart’s an autoclave

Like THE NIGHT WE SAID YES, MATT’S STORY has a soundtrack. Unlike TNWSY, it only has one song.

My husband is a big fan of The Mountain Goats, and through him I heard the song “Autoclave.” It’s a terrific song that felt like Matt. Though it sounds kind of peppy and sweet, it’s full of self-doubt and sadness.

An autoclave is a machine used to sterilize equipment. Steam gets so hot, that  bacteria and organisms can’t survive inside it. The idea of the song is that the person’s heart is an autoclave, killing things that get too close.

Kind of like how Matt kills his relationship with Ella. It’s getting too close, he’s getting to scared (and, of course, THERE’S MORE, but I don’t want to give that all away.)

When researching more about the machine, I found out something interesting. A few years back, it was discovered that one type of bacteria can actually survive the extreme heat. Which is insane.

I loved the idea that Matt kind of kills his relationships, but there’s hope that one person might be able to survive him.

And, maybe, even thrive.

(Interestingly, I recently found the press kit for the album, where John Darnielle discusses the same realization, which inspired the song. How cool is that?!)

This past weekend, PAPER TOWNS hit theatres. That was the first John Green book I read. I loved it for many reasons: 1) it’s just so beautifully written 2) the story is universal and yet unique 3) it takes place in Orlando. It’s rare seeing your city shown in books, and even rarer in books you really enjoy, and even rarer rarer (sure, go with it) when you recognize the landmarks. It was so neat seeing characters going to Winter Park High School, living in Baldwin Park (though not mentioned by name), hanging out at the Suntrust Building. These are locations I pass all the time. I can feel those characters there.

I did something similar with THE NIGHT WE SAID YES. I used real Orlando locations (though changed the names), in hopes that those who live here can feel the book. So, here’s an inside look at some of the real locations behind the fictional story.

• Jefferson High School: Jefferson High School is based off my old high school, Lake Brantley. It’s an open campus, with two story buildings. I have not, however, climbed on the roof. (For a neat overhead shot of the school, check out this video.)
• One Spin Records:  One Spin is Park Ave CDs (shown above). Though described a little bigger, it’s an older record store that’s still amazing, and hosts bands every now and then. I frequented it in high school, when it was in a smaller location (actually off a Park Avenue.)

Shout out to Jenny Torres Sanchez, who went with me to Park Ave CDs to take this picture. And get records, of course.

• Kiki’s: Loosely based off Tanquerays, which is in downtown Orlando. It’s below ground and insanely smokey. I used to go there for open-mic nights. (It does not serve underage, so Jake would not frequent it in real life.)

And though not a location…

The Pepperpots are slightly based on fact! Matt, Jake, and Barker are made up, but the name is a shout out to my best guy friends’ high school band, The Pepperpots. I thought they were the best band in the world back then. Fun fact: The drummer filmed my book trailer. And the other two came to my release party. And above is a terrific photo of them from, I think, 1999.

There were many drafts to THE NIGHT WE SAID YES, and in those many drafts, some character names changed. I’m really careful about naming characters–I want them to be the best representations possible. I want them to make the characters feel real. Sometimes I name a character quickly, without much thought to it. Sometimes I think long and hard and come up with a name days later. And sometimes I write an entire book with one name and end up changing it later on. All of those scenarios happened with TNWSY. So here’s a fun look at the process of naming all of my main characters:

Ella: El was originally Deirdre, Dee for short. I liked it, but it didn’t feel right. I changed it after writing the first chapter. (Which, fun fact, the first chapter I ever wrote was the book’s Chapter Two. So my very first line was “Dee, turn it up.”) By the way, though not said until MATT’S STORY, Ella’s last name is Rhodes.

Meg: Meg was Kat (short for Katherine). I liked Kat a lot; it was short and strong, but again, it didn’t feel like her. I plotted it as Kat, but as soon as I started typing, I changed it to Meg. (Meg, incidentally, is the name of my best friend. The character is not based on her at all, but it still feels right.) Meg’s last name is Kensey–it’s said halfway through the book.

Matt: Matt was always Matt. Always. And his last name is Grayson, which you learn in MATT’S STORY.

Jake: Jake was Sam (Samuel). I wanted a soft name for a hard character, but it never felt right. I changed it to Jake before even plotting the story, and when I did, everything clicked. It’s like finding that name also helped me also find him. Though never mentioned, Jake’s last name is Kelly, as a sly reference to one of my favorite musicals, Newsies.

Barker: Barker is the drummer for The Pepperpots, and though a side character, he still has a huge place in my heart. His name was Jeremy (Jerm for short) all through writing it. I sold it with Barker as Jeremy. I edited it with Barker as Jeremy. In the last round, my editor suggested I change it because we already had a J name (Jake–and I wasn’t changing that). So I gave him a last name, and had him go by that. And I actually really love the change, as he’s the kind of guy who’d totally go by his last name. (Though never stated in the book, he’s clearly Jeremy Barker in my mind.)

Gabby: Barker’s girlfriend, and friend to Ella and Meg. Much like Barker, she had a different name all through writing and editing until the last round. I changed her name the same time I changed Barker’s. She was Moira originally, but we agreed with Meg and Matt there were far too many M’s. And like Barker, Gabby felt right for her character. (Though, I still sometimes slip and say Moira.)

And those are my characters!