All At Once

I’ve heard quite a few times that you should never start querying a book while pregnant. The stress, anxiety, excitement, and disappointment are enhanced due to hormones and general craziness. Well, thankfully, I’m not pregnant, and don’t plan on being for a while. HOWEVER, I am querying during a different type of stressful time.

Job hunting.

My temp job at the library (which I love) is ending in April. It was actually supposed to end earlier, but they gave me to the end of the semester. If I get offered a job prior, of course I’ll just switch jobs sooner. My bosses here are incredibly nice and supportive. (In fact, before each interview, my co-workers literally cheer me on. I can almost imagine pom poms. I love them.)

That said, I’ve been practically glued to my e-mail and phone. Each message could dictate my future! It’s crazy, and incredibly nerve wracking. And the thing is – it’s every day. Query responses don’t come in overnight, and neither do decisions after applications or interviews.

On top of it all, my best friend is in labor. Today. I’ve been texting with her husband (who, incidentally, I befriended first back in college) all morning, getting every update. (Latest update, which has been my favorite: “They broke her water. There’s a baby insider her running out of water!” If you get this reference, we’ll be friends forever.)

So perhaps this wasn’t the best time to query, but honestly…I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Despite the stress and anxiety, it’s thrilling. Each “1 new message” could change my whole future. I live for moments like that.

You never know what might happen, right?

More on this later…

Freaking. Out.

There’s always one point in the semester when I feel like the world is exploding. The assignments pile up and I don’t see how I’m going to navigate through everything. Yet, I always do – I always survive, make it out unscarred. I’m always okay. I know this – but every semester, the moment comes and I panic.

I’m at that stage now. I thought i’d be able to handle my hefty load (work, grad school, volunteering, tutoring, wedding planning), but it turns out I can’t. I can’t breathe. It’s overwhelming, but I hate admitting defeat. I ended up not accepting the job as a tutor – it would take too much time away from school. I have two projects due this week, two wedding vender meetings, and loads of stress.

So I’m constantly reminding myself that it’ll be okay. I can see the stars outside my window right now. They’re bright, illuminating the night sky, reminding me that if they can shine through the clouds, I can move through the semester. And this feeling, too, shall pass.