Every Me

Leave a comment

Last year I read David Levithan’s Every You, Every Me, a book that chronicles a boy as he discovers various mysterious photographs left for him by, who he assumes to be, his best friend. As he investigates, he learns more about himself, as well as his best friend. The book, as well as the title, refers to the fact that every person has many different versions of themselves. And that idea completely fascinated me.

It’s not that I don’t agree – I totally do – it just it brings me back to my wedding. Prior to getting married, I thought about this very idea – about how I, too, have different versions. Much like a Barbie, there’s Diligent Worker Lauren, there’s Hanging Out With Close Friends Lauren, there’s Impress the In-laws Lauren, and so on. So as my wedding day approached – the most personal day i’ll ever experience – I started to wonder (and, in a way, fear) which Lauren would come out. I most wanted the real Lauren, the Lauren I am around my closer friends, to be there. But would everyone else accept that version of me?

The thing is – I didn’t have to think about it. Almost instantly, the real me came out. I laughed during our ceremony, actually laughed, not caring that it might sounds weird surrounded by the sanctity and everything else important. I didn’t worry about being too cordial, too stuffy. I felt like myself, the best version of me. Because I was me, and Samir was Samir and we were just fine with that.

I feel like, sometimes, this is such a hard thing to accomplish. To be you in a sea of other yous.

Have you ever experienced a similar situation? Where you had a choose a version of yourself?

Website Advice

2 Comments

Guys – I need help. I want to make a website, but I have no clue where to start. Since it’ll mainly be a blog, I don’t mind using a blogging platform that can look professional…but which one? Here’s what I’ve researched thus far:

  • WordPress – The pros: I already have my blog here, and I’m comfortable with it.  The layouts are quite lovely, and clean looking (I love the one I currently have). The cons: If I want to use my own domain name, I have to pay. If I want to edit any sort of HTML/CSS, I have to pay.
  • Tumblr – The pros: I already have a Tumblr site, and like the designs as well. You can add a custom URL and edit HTML for free. The cons: Despite being comfortable with it, it’s still a bit confusing to me (perhaps because of its simplicity?) Now that they’ve added commenting, it’s a bit better, but will people go to Tumblr as much as, say, WordPress? Is it preferable?
  • Blogger – Stop laughing. Pros: I’ve used Blogger the longest and am, by far, the most comfortable with it. Custom URL and HTML/CSS editing is free. Cons: The layouts? Not as pretty. They look clunky at times.

Those are my options so far. I don’t mind paying, I just want to make sure it’s worth it. Which do you think is best? Do you have any other suggestions? Any advice? Any help would be much appreciated. Thanks!

Fear

Leave a comment

Let me admit something – It took me 7,000 years (or so it felt) to finish a novel because I was afraid. So so afraid. What if it wasn’t good? What if it didn’t live up to other books? What if people hated it? Hated me? What if I start to doubt myself? Doubt my story? It was all there. Every fear bubbled inside me for days, weeks, years. Every book I’d start, I’d look at and think “oh, well this sucks,” and then scrap it for something new. Or, I’d like a part and keep re-writing it until I thought it was perfect. But it was never perfect because I had such high expectations. Let’s be honest, I’ll never be the next Bronte, the next Fitzgerald, the next Twain.

As a writer, my degree in literature kind of set me up for failure.

But thanks to NaNoWriMo, I blocked out that fear and kept going. I knew what I was writing wasn’t perfect, but I didn’t care. I barreled through, writing page after page. I knew at the end there would be the big boss, like in every video game, and I knew I’d have to punch my way to the finish line, but I was ready. Because in that month, I finally believed in myself. I believed that, even if the book never sells, even if it sits on my computer for all of eternity, as long as it was finished, I won.

I’m starting this year without fear. I’m editing madly, making the book as clean as I can. I’m stomping all over fear and toasting to my accomplishment. Because I did win. I completed my ultimate goal.

I read the article “25 Things Writers Should Stop Doing” this morning and one part stood out to me:

 But being a writer is nothing worthy of fear. It’s worthy of praise. And triumph. And fireworks. And shotguns. And a box of wine. So shove fear aside — let fear be gnawed upon by escalators and tigers. Step up to the plate. Let this be your year.

And so I shall. I’m diving head first into this year, not worrying about the sharks that may be swimming around in the water. I’m going to make mistakes, and learn from each one. Because with each mistake, or each victory, it means I’m trying. It means I’m actually doing something, and that, for once, I’m not afraid. I’m not hesitating and wondering what may be waiting around the next bend. I’m running forward with my chin up and eyes open. And I’m ready for anything.

And I hope you are, too.

Let’s do this thing.

Librarian Up For Grabs

Leave a comment

I’m currently in an interesting position with my career. I finished my graduate degree in August and was hired as a Reference Librarian the week I graduated. It was amazing, really, and I was fully aware of how lucky I was. The job, while supreme, was temporary, but that was okay. I felt like it was meant to be.

And it has been. I truly have loved every moment of working as an academic reference librarian. I now know that I was right to get into this field, as I finally feel at home. However, my time with the position is about to end. If I could stay here, I would in a heartbeat, but I can’t. So now comes the big question – what do I do next?

When you hear “librarian,” I’m sure most people just assume they’re the people who check books out. Right? Wrong. There’s so much more to the profession. For instance, as a reference librarian for a college, I teach classes on how to find scholarly information, I create reference guides for majors and minors, I answer research questions, and I work with students to assist them in completing their papers. There’s more, but that’s the basics.

As it turns out, being hired as a librarian (and not simply a library aide or clerk) was a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it gave me more experience than I could have dreamed of. A curse because now I want to stay one, with only so much experience. Many libraries hire librarians with years of experience – I have but a handful of months.

So now I’m at a cross roads. I’m about to end this job, and search rapidly for another. I’m not sure what will happen, and that part scares me. But I also know something will come up. Something perfect. Something that screams Lauren! and will help me on my professional adventure.

2012

2 Comments

Shannon, me, Katie

Here are two of my friends and I celebrating New Years Eve. Three things are abundantly clear from this photo:

  1. I have amazing friends.
  2. We’re very sad you’re not partying with us.
  3. I have rather large eyes.

Among other resolutions I’ve made this year (learn to knit, do some sort of physical activity besides riding my bicycle to work, do everything in my power to get my book published, start second book), I’d like to write more in this blog. I like this blog. It’s a good blog.

What are some of your resolutions for the new year?