The wedding is officially 15 days away. Crazy, right? I feel like my engagement party was just yesterday. And now, in 15 days, I’m going to be MARRIED. A Mrs. A new last name holder.
After writing my previous post, I had a few great responses via e-mail. I learned that it’s very rare to hear a bride admit she’s nervous (and not just about the cake falling apart). Brides are supposed to be happy and excited; the groom is supposed to be crazed and frightened.
I hate “supposed to be.” There shouldn’t be any “supposed to be”s. Let’s be as we want.
So, I did some research. When people asked if I was excited about the “big day,” I answered honestly: “Yes, very, but I’m also really nervous.” This solicited two answers:
a) Don’t worry, S won’t leave you at the altar.
c) Don’t worry, everything will look beautiful, and it’ll go perfectly.
Not one answer addressed what I was really feeling. It’s as if the thought of being scared about “happily ever after” is foreign. I know S won’t stand me up, I’ve never been worried about that. And honestly, at this point I don’t care if everything looks beautiful or not – I’m just excited for the day. BUT – that doesn’t stop me from being nervous about being married. (As a note, I’m not anymore, I’m perfectly fine. Woo!)
So then I looked over all of my bridal books and magazines and found…absolutely nothing. Everything is about planning for the day. Nothing addressed suppressed fears that may bubble up. You’re supposed to feel secure, excited, happy.
In fact, I found one article that listed the 10 most important things on your wedding day. Number one was feeling beautiful. Number eight was being in love. (Priorities!) None were feeling confident the marriage will last! (Which makes me wonder if the magazine thinks the wedding is more important than the marriage. That’s…sad. It’s just a party after all.)
That said, I want to write something that will address these fears. These thoughts that are never addressed or nullified because everyone’s so preoccupied with the day. Since the wedding IS 15 days away, I don’t have time to write a full well researched article at the moment, but I DO have time to compile my own “Hey, it’s okay” post. (And, yes, I’m blatantly ripping the title off Glamour magazine. Thanks, Glamour!)
So, from funny to serious, here’s my take on getting married – not just planning a wedding.
Hey, It’s Okay…
- If you start to find every guy who passes attractive, only because you realize you’ll never be able to have anything more than a friendship with them.
- If part of you is upset that you’ll never be able to marry Leonardo DiCaprio/Brad Pitt/Jake Gyllenhaal. (JG-I’m still unmarried for 15 days…so….if you’re free…)
- If you consider keeping your last name, if only because it makes you feel more like…you.
- If you couldn’t care less about specifics of the wedding. (Such as if the napkins match the programs and the flowers. Who remembers these things anyway?)
- If you start to wonder what all of your ex’s are up to. And how they’ll react to your engagement. (And, okay, if they’ll make one last dying proclamation of their love, even if you really don’t like them at all.)
- If the fact that you’ll never have another first kiss again scares you.
- To be more excited (or nervous about) about the marriage than the wedding.
- To be frightened of “’til death do you part.”
In the end, I think it’s really important to address these fears early. Admit you’re scared (if you are). Tell the groom. Talk about it. It’ll all be fine in the end, you just need to let yourself be fine first.