Last year I read David Levithan’s Every You, Every Me, a book that chronicles a boy as he discovers various mysterious photographs left for him by, who he assumes to be, his best friend. As he investigates, he learns more about himself, as well as his best friend. The book, as well as the title, refers to the fact that every person has many different versions of themselves. And that idea completely fascinated me.
It’s not that I don’t agree – I totally do – it just it brings me back to my wedding. Prior to getting married, I thought about this very idea – about how I, too, have different versions. Much like a Barbie, there’s Diligent Worker Lauren, there’s Hanging Out With Close Friends Lauren, there’s Impress the In-laws Lauren, and so on. So as my wedding day approached – the most personal day i’ll ever experience – I started to wonder (and, in a way, fear) which Lauren would come out. I most wanted the real Lauren, the Lauren I am around my closer friends, to be there. But would everyone else accept that version of me?
The thing is – I didn’t have to think about it. Almost instantly, the real me came out. I laughed during our ceremony, actually laughed, not caring that it might sounds weird surrounded by the sanctity and everything else important. I didn’t worry about being too cordial, too stuffy. I felt like myself, the best version of me. Because I was me, and Samir was Samir and we were just fine with that.
I feel like, sometimes, this is such a hard thing to accomplish. To be you in a sea of other yous.
Have you ever experienced a similar situation? Where you had a choose a version of yourself?