Tag: books

Re-Write

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I have the tendency to work on many things at once. This, I’ve come to learn, is both good and bad. It was great when I had to balance school, work, and wedding planning. It’s not so good when it’s three different story ideas. I have one idea, go with it, and then pause because the other idea is all of a sudden so much better. And so on. Until nothing is done.

Here’s the thing – before I finished TNWSY, I had been thinking about it/working on it for years.I wrote a few chapters, hated it, gave up, moved on to something new. The thing is, every time I kept moving on, it was always in the back of my mind. Which is why I finally decided to force myself to write it during NaNoWriMo. And it was the best thing I could have done. Because finally, finally, the story I wanted to tell came out. It changed a ton since my first ideas blossomed, but I know it’s right now.

So now with TNWSY done and in querying stage, I’m working on Book 2. And Book 2 has become…a bit of a pain. Remember all of those other ideas I said I had? I decided “meh, forget those!” and started something new, something fresh. I had two characters I loved and…um…that was it. No concrete story around them. Nothing too inspiring.

And I felt terrible. I mean, really terrible. What if I was just one of those one-off writers?

And then an older story started flickering in my mind, and wouldn’t leave. It kept pestering me over and over until I addressed it. Said hello. Gave in to its poking.

And finally finally my writing felt  right. So, I’m starting Book 2 over again. For a while it felt like giving up (like I’d done in the past), and I hated myself for that. But I think it’s more like giving in. To a new (old) idea. To something I know is better. And maybe I’ll re-visit those other characters again someday. Who knows, they may be pestering me once I’m doing with this book.

Have you ever gone back and re-started a book? Did it turn out to be what you meant to write in the first place?

Unremarkable

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This past weekend I read John Green’s latest novel, The Fault in our Stars. I laughed, I cried (just ask S – he was a bit nervous when I looked at him with red, watery eyes), and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I still can’t. It’s one of those novels that becomes part of you, embedded in your brain and heart.

And yet, I can’t seem to write a review for my book blog. I can’t form the words I want to say, or discuss the themes that are so important to the work. So I thought I’d write my thoughts here, where, hopefully, someone else might want to contribute.

When reading The Fault in our Stars, I was reminded of a quote from John Green’s earlier novel, An Abundance of Katherines.

“What is the point of being alive if you don’t at least try to do something remarkable?”

Green’s stated a few times that, despite the overall wide-spread love of the quote, he himself doesn’t quite agree with it. I think, in a way, TFioS is his way of reversing the quote, showing that sometimes a life thought to be unremarkable can still be quite the opposite.

Being remarkable is hard. We can’t all grow up and be the heroes we read about when younger. The knights who defeat the dragons, the warriors who jump onto the grenade just in time, the superhero who saves the orphans from the burning bus. It’s all imbedded in our brains – we must be heroic. We must be remembered. We must do something extraordinary and leave a mark.

And yet, on the other hand, an unremarkable (or, more accurately, a normal) life can be just as meaningful. In the book’s case, Augustus saves Hazel. Not in the same way his video game character saves the prisoners from impending doom, but he saves her from herself. He takes her away from the everyday sorrow she suffers due to her cancer. He shows her that life can be fun, and she doesn’t have to hide. He, in that sense, becomes remarkable even though he doesn’t believe (or even see) it.

And I love that thought. That we can all be remarkable in our own ways. Little actions are important, sometimes a small gesture could mean the world.

I’m reminded of a time, back when I was a teenager, when I really felt down. I was early in college, living in a house full of people I loved, and just couldn’t find a way to be happy. I just felt disconnected, alone. A friend, completely unaware of my mood, sat next to me and asked how I was doing. It was such a simple moment, but it meant everything to me. Finally, someone just asked.

To this day, the guy hasn’t saved a person’s life or fought off a dragon, but he did make me feel infinitely happier in that split second. And, to me, he’ll always be remarkable for it.

Back to John Green, the book says –

“The real heroes anyway aren’t the people doing things; the real heroes are the people NOTICING things, paying attention. The guy who invented the smallpox vaccine didn’t actually invent anything. He just noticed that people with cowpox didn’t get smallpox.”

I’d never tell someone to stop striving for extraordinary. I think striving for it makes us greater, pushes us further. But never be disappointed if extraordinary doesn’t come. I think that noticing those around you and living a good life, one full of small seemingly unremarkable moments, is just as magical. Just as heroic.

[This is one of the many themes of the book. I’ll more than likely discuss the others later. Not to sound like an advertisement or anything, but if you haven’t read the book, do. It’s beautiful.]

Every Me

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Last year I read David Levithan’s Every You, Every Me, a book that chronicles a boy as he discovers various mysterious photographs left for him by, who he assumes to be, his best friend. As he investigates, he learns more about himself, as well as his best friend. The book, as well as the title, refers to the fact that every person has many different versions of themselves. And that idea completely fascinated me.

It’s not that I don’t agree – I totally do – it just it brings me back to my wedding. Prior to getting married, I thought about this very idea – about how I, too, have different versions. Much like a Barbie, there’s Diligent Worker Lauren, there’s Hanging Out With Close Friends Lauren, there’s Impress the In-laws Lauren, and so on. So as my wedding day approached – the most personal day i’ll ever experience – I started to wonder (and, in a way, fear) which Lauren would come out. I most wanted the real Lauren, the Lauren I am around my closer friends, to be there. But would everyone else accept that version of me?

The thing is – I didn’t have to think about it. Almost instantly, the real me came out. I laughed during our ceremony, actually laughed, not caring that it might sounds weird surrounded by the sanctity and everything else important. I didn’t worry about being too cordial, too stuffy. I felt like myself, the best version of me. Because I was me, and Samir was Samir and we were just fine with that.

I feel like, sometimes, this is such a hard thing to accomplish. To be you in a sea of other yous.

Have you ever experienced a similar situation? Where you had a choose a version of yourself?