Multitudes

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From a review I just read of Just One Day by Gayle Forman:

Just One Day is about playing roles and choosing personas and what makes us us; about figuring out who we are; and about realizing that while we are different people depending on the situation/audience, we are also all of those people at the same time.

I’m reading the book now and quite enjoying it. I’m re-posting this quote, though, because I find the concept absolutely fascinating and true. I think, to a degree, we ARE many different types of people (or, as Whitman would say it, “we contain multitudes“) depending on the situation and who we’re with. For me, this was most obvious leading up to my wedding. There’s an “I’m with my parents” Lauren who knows that whatever she does, they’ve seen worse; an “I’m with my best friend” Lauren who’s most comfortable, most content being silly and stupid and cuddly; an “I’m impressing my new family” Lauren who refrains from doing many of the things she does with her best friend. And these many Laurens all had to be in the same place at the same time and please everyone. And that really kind of freaked me out.

But without any thought, I became just Lauren the day of the wedding. I was giggly with my friends, respectful with new family, eye-rolly with my family. And I realized that if I didn’t appease everyone, they didn’t know me. If they really knew me, they would have already seen bits and pieces of these other Laurens coming out. Because, yes, we may contain multitudes, but we are all of those people all of the time.

YA Love and Breakups

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When I was in high school, two things were important to me: friendships and relationships. (Okay, yes, family was important to me as well, but I didn’t daydream about what I was going to eat with my parents when I got home; I daydreamed about what plans my best friend and I had for the weekend, or if Crush saw me in the hallway). Since this is what I know, it’s what I write about. I write about the girl who pines for the guy from afar. I write about the friendship that unexpectedly (but always expectantly to outside observers) blossoms into something more. I write about how a relationship can change a person. I write how relationships (both romantic and not) are essential. I was the girl who got red faced when a guy talked to me, the one who cried when he broke up with me. I was the one who dreamed about what would happen if he’d talk to me.

That was me, and because it’s what I know, what feels real, that’s what I write.

There’s been a lot of hatred towards YA romance lately, and it makes me kind of sad. There are sighs when a love interest is introduced, cringes when a female character cries over a boy. It seems weak and trite to some readers, but to me it feels real.

Because let’s be honest, breakups suck. Unrequited love sucks. Battles with best friends suck and I don’t think it makes a character seem weak or whiny to feel that. I don’t think it’s realistic to have a main character not change after a breakup, or be unfeeling. I don’t think it’s weird for a teenager to be sad. And I would never call any of these problems trivial.

This complaint has kind of had a negative affect on my writing lately, making me feel a bit self-conscious of what I thought was normal. It’s believed that YA books shouldn’t revolve around a relationship. That when hurt a female should be strong and not weep, not be affected by love. And that to portray a character fighting for another is wrong because that’s not a good example to set.

The thing is, when writing, I think of my audience all the time. I think of the teens that volunteer at the library, the ones that come to my programs. I think about what I want them to read, and how I want my characters to be just like them. Because they’re human. And you know what? They have relationship problems, too.

I don’t think a character should CHANGE EVERYTHING AND LOSE EVERYTHING for the person s/he likes, I don’t think they should become someone they’re not, and I don’t think they should DEVOTE themselves to another. And I DON’T think every book should have a relationship. That’s not important to some stories, and I like those books quite a bit, too. But I do think characters should be able to love. And should be affected by love. And get giddy when that guy/girl looks at them in the hallway, and cry when that person decides to date someone else. I think they should be able to have a million flaws because that’s a real teen. They’re full of complexities that are so deep they don’t even know they’re there.

Because I know that when I was a teen, when I started dating Crush, it was the best moment of the year. And when we broke up months later, it was the worst. And I know I felt everything in between, and I want my characters to feel that, too. And not be ashamed to be sad or in love. It doesn’t mean they’re not strong. It means they’re fighting a battle that may not bring down governments or change a dystopian society around, but is still important.

I would never tell a teen they’re wrong or weak for loving.

Books of 2012

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Books I’ve read in 2012:

  1. The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
  2. Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare
  3. Clockwork Prince by Cassandra Clare
  4. The Disenchantments by Nina LaCour
  5. Hana by Lauren Oliver (eBook)
  6. Pandemonium by Lauren Oliver
  7. Au Revoir, Crazy European Chick by Joe Schreiber
  8. Dramarama by E. Lockhart
  9. Fracture by Megan Miranda
  10. The Rivals by Daisy Whitney
  11. So Shelly by Ty Roth
  12. Warm Bodies by Isaac Marion
  13. The Boy on Cinnamon Street by Phoebe Stone
  14. Spin by Catherine McKenzie
  15. Anna Dressed in Blood by Kendare Blake
  16. The Downside of Being Charlie by Jenny Torres Sanchez
  17. Arranged by Catherine McKenzie
  18. Unbreak My Heart by Melissa Walker
  19. When You Were Mine by Rebecca Serle
  20. The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein
  21. The Night Bookmobile by Audrey Niffenegger (graphic novel)
  22. Wanderlove by Kristin Hubbard
  23. Wonder by RJ Palacio
  24. The Prisoner of Heaven by Carlos Ruiz Zafon
  25. Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein
  26. Girl of Nightmares by Kendare Blake
  27. My Life Next Door by Huntley Fitzpatrick
  28. One Perfect Summer by Paige Toon
  29. Liar & Spy by Rebecca Stead
  30. Every Day by David Levithan
  31. A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness
  32. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky (re-read)
  33. The Space Between Us by Jessica Martinez
  34. Amelia Anne is Dead and Gone by
  35. This is Life by Dan Rhodes
  36. One Perfect Christmas by Paige Toon (eBook)
  37. Rose of Fire by Carlos Ruiz Zafon (eBook)
  38. Mr. Penumbra’s 24-Hour Bookshop by Robin Sloan
  39. WinterTown by Stephen Emond
  40. Let it Snow by John Green, Maureen Johnson, and Lauren Myracle (re-read)

Also read:

  • A full manuscript by my friend Joe! 

Favorites of 2012
Unlike most years, many of the books I read this year were actually published in 2012. This is most likely because I have a tendency to bring home EVERYTHING from the library. So, as it turns out, my favorite books of the year were also published this year. I’m categorizing them only because I cannot actually choose a favorite. 

Favorite middle-grade novel

  • Wonder by RJ Palacio – Who DIDN’T love this book? Due to Auggie’s facial deformity, he’s never gone to school. Until now. This is Augie’s story, and his sister’s story, and his friends’ stories about the power of acceptance and bravery and friendship.

Favorite young adult novel

  • The Fault in Our Stars by John Green – Honestly, this doesn’t come as much of a surprised. This book became my favorite by Green due to its beautiful writing and compelling story. There’s not much else to say – every Best Of list has already said it. But basically, it’s a story about two teenagers who happen to have cancer, who fall in love and learn a lot about the ideas of immortality and life and living. Runner-up: Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein 

Favorite novel

  • Mr. Penumbra’s 24-Hour Bookshop by Robin Sloan – If you’ve spoken to me in the past month, you’ve probably heard me wax poetic about this book. It’s just so good. When Clay starts to work at Mr. Penumbra’s, he finds archaic books, a cryptic code, and a secret society. It’s a book that shows the intersection of today’s technology and the beauty and love of old books. Also, the cover glows in the dark. Runner-up: This is Life by Dan Rhodes

Oh, hi

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I just renewed my domain name, so I feel it’s only right to update this thing, as I haven’t it quite some time.

Whoops.

So where was I?

I didn’t finish NaNoWriMo. I admit defeat. I was revising another MS at the same time, so it was hard to balance the two. But it’s okay. There’s always more time to write, right?

Speaking of writing, one of my old students (I taught high school for a year when I was 22/23. Yes, I was a baby.) emailed me out of the blue the other day, to say he finished a script and would love my opinion. I haven’t spoken to him in years, and he thought of me. And that made me feel absolutely amazing.

Truth was, I didn’t like teaching. I hated disciplining students. I hated caring so much that when one of my 130+ kids let me down, I felt broken. I hated giving up. But, ultimately, I knew the career wasn’t for me. But still-I think of the 10 or so kids who really made a difference to me. The ones who have since friended me on Facebook. The ones that email me out of the blue for my opinion. I can’t believe they still think of me (the way, as it happens, I still think of one of my high school teachers. In fact, she and her husband came to my wedding.)

One day there was a fight in my classroom. Two kids – the loner who wore dark and liked sci-fi and the jock who had girlfriends and pride – got into a fight. The loner just broke and started pushing. The jock didn’t fight back initially – I remember the surprise on his face – but eventually there was self-defence. And I remember thinking three things –

1. ….

2. Oh crap.

3. I need to protect my kids.

I know somewhere in that moment I thought to call the front office. I know eventually I moved from behind my desk. But I remember thinking that I didn’t want this to escalate. That I wanted my kids to be okay.

In the midst, two boys grabbed the fighters and held them back. And in the process, one yelled. “Ms. G, stay there.”

In this moment of panic, he thought the same thing I did, only about me.

The kids calmed down and everyone was fine. There was detention and suspension and all of that, and I’d like to say the fighters became friends in the end, but that’s not realistic. They avoided each other, but they didn’t have problems again. The class was quiet and I talked to them each individually because I didn’t want either to be upset or, for the former, alone.

My kids made me proud that day. There’s so much negative talk about teens and their behaviors, but in an unexpected moment, the two who broke up the fight, thinking not of themselves but of the other students-of me- were heroes in their own way. And I still think of that, now and then, when I hear about fight at school, or worse.

And I don’t know where many of them are nowadays, or how they’re doing, but I hope they’re doing well. I really do.

A few updates

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My birthday was yesterday, so I’m officially 29. It’s weird because it’s not weird. I mean, I thought I’d feel older or wiser or different, knowing that 30 is so close, but really? I don’t feel different at all. I’m okay with 29. I like 29. What I do feel, though, is sick and that’s kind of annoying.

My cold, however, did not stop me from dressing as Katniss for work:

I’m a librarian. OF COURSE i’m going to be a YA character for Halloween. I felt super awesome all day.

I’m pretty sure the best part of the day was when a little girl looked at me, then grabbed her dad’s sleeve and loudly whispered “DAD, THAT’S KATNISS!” I almost cried.

Also, I decided last minute to actually do NaNoWriMo. Last year I was in it on my own – this year a few friends were convinced to try. I’ve had an idea floating around my head for quite some time, so I figured – hey, why not. So, I’m starting. I’m not as psyched as I was last time (and I think that’s mainly because I had never finished a novel before at that point), but I am committed to my story. I like my story. And I know that even if I don’t “win” NaNo, I’ll still complete it. And I feel good about that. (Friend me, won’t you?) Also, I apparently really like short sentences this morning.

So, I’m starting 29 with a new story, and the excitement of that outweighs the annoying cold. Because colds come and go, but stories stick with you forever.

(Please blame my cold for the ridiculously cheesy last line.)